I’m in Canada this week, and my partner and I are crashing in guestrooms. People talk about the stress of hosting, but I find sometimes being a guest overnight comes with its own stresses. Things like unfamiliar showerheads, not knowing what food in the fridge is up for grabs (or if the fridge is even something it’s OK to check in!), and varied interpretations of the phrase “Make Yourself at Home” can lead to various degrees of discomfort.

Luckily, I’ve been a short-term guest in many houses, as I’ve found that not having to pay for accommodation is one of the cheaper ways to travel. My top tips to increase your odds of a successful trip are:

Plan for success. In the weeks leading up to your trip, ask your host if there’s anything special you should bring or prepare for. The answers to this might surprise you; I’ve had the following situations happen:

• A friend putting me up in her basement (where it was much colder) warning me to bring warm pjs mid-May
• Being told that the eco-friendly water filtration system meant I couldn’t shower with my own cosmetics, and I’d have to use their shampoo and soap
• A friend taking me to her country house requesting I bring hiking boots, so that we could hike in the Peak District

…these are the most extreme examples; most of the time the answer is, “you don’t need to bring anything special!” but it’s always good to ask.

This conversation will also give you an opportunity to figure out what their week will look like—will they be working or taking time off during your trip? Will you need to entertain yourself? If they’ll be out of the home, will they give you a key, or will you need to come and go with them?

Lastly, during that conversation it’s nice to ask your host if there’s anything they’d like from the place you’re coming from! I’m bringing British candies to my brother, because I know he loves them, and some clothing pieces for my niece that aren’t available in Canada.

Know what you can’t live without, and make plans accordingly. Don’t rely on your host to change toothpaste brands, to get nicer coffee, or to make the house silent so you can sleep. Instead, plan for your preferences; you can bring your own toothpaste, get up early and get coffee at a nearby shop (or bring a special bean blend from home to try with your host), or sleep with earplugs for the duration of your trip. You don’t want to put your host out too much with preferences (and of course, don’t complain about what your host has to offer you!).

Have an idea of what you’d like your trip to look like. Having some idea about what you want the trip to look like, rather than relying on your host for ideas on where you go and what you do, will take some pressure off them. Suggestions could include:

• A bar or restaurant you’ve researched ahead of time
• A monument, gallery, or museum you’d like to visit
• A themed tour you’d like to go on, like a walking tour or a themed tourists’ bus

…you might not end up doing any of these, of course. When I visit my long-distance bestie, some days we just sit around and talk—our biggest “excursion” is from her living room to her kitchen to get snacks. But showing up without any goals at all can put your host in the position of having to plan a weekend of activities on top of hosting, so it’s best to think of something you’d like to do.

And remember—the list I’ve provided isn’t exclusive! Pick things you’re excited about, even if it’s just “I want to see the ocean” or “I want to shop at Sephora, we don’t have one in my town”. Slow travel is about asking yourself what experiences you will get the most out of.

Ask about their morning/evening routines. This doesn’t need to be a military operation—just “what do mornings look like for you?” will give you a sense of what time it’s a good idea to be up by, and to use the bathroom by. Be considerate of the needs of the house—if your host is busy getting kids to school by 9am, it’s a bad idea to take over the bathroom at 8am, as it’ll slow the routine down.

Alternatively, if your host sleeps into the morning, you’ll be able to plan for being alone if you’re an early riser. (Annoyingly, this doesn’t really work if you’re a guest; you don’t need to get up with your host, but it’s considered bad manners to sleep in if they’re waiting on you to get their day started!)

Treat your host to at least one nice meal. A host gift is a hard thing to coordinate if you’re travelling with luggage, but a nice thing to offer would be to treat your friend to a meal out. This could look like a sit-down meal at a nice restaurant, or a takeout meal that you pay for that’s enjoyed together. If the timing doesn’t work, it might also be nice to get a gift card to a local restaurant to leave your host, so they can enjoy a meal on you!

If this seems a little on the more expensive side, a lower-cost alternative is getting groceries delivered and making a nice meal; just confirm with your host that they’re comfortable handing over the use of their kitchen!

Offer help wherever you see it. It goes without saying that you should be cleaning up after yourself as you go. But beyond this, keep household tasks on your radar. Are there dishes to wash, or clean dishes to be put away? Does their dog need a walk? Your host might turn you down, but in a shared space, a little consideration goes a long way—and this assures that you’re making your host’s life easier, not harder.

Don’t feel like you need to spend every waking minute together. Most people need alone time to decompress; it’s not rude to say “I’m feeling a bit tired­—I think I’ll go upstairs and lie down for a while, hope that’s cool!”. It gives both you and your host a chance to recharge your social batteries.

Write a thank-you card. This might be a bit old-fashioned, but rather than a text, I like to pack a paper card and pen in my luggage, and write a quick note that I leave in the room that I slept, that my host will find later.

The message inside doesn’t need to be long; usually I stick to a format of:

• Start with a thank-you for hosting
• My favourite memory of the trip, or a detail about the stay I liked
• A sign-off with an offer to return the favour

It might look like:

Dear Tom, Thanks so much for having us stay in your flat this weekend! I loved that Italian restaurant we went to, I’ll be dreaming of that tiramisu for weeks. Really glad we got to spend this time together; please know you’re always welcome at mine if you’re travelling to London! All the best, Charlotte

It’s simple, but it’s a nice way to remind people that your time together was meaningful.

Strip the bed before you go. This is a simple task that makes a big impact on anyone who doesn’t like doing laundry; take the bedsheets and pillow cases and put them into a pile for the laundry. If you’re sleeping on a sofa, fold up the blanket you’ve been given.

Remember—it takes a generous person to offer to host, and taking steps to be a good guest is the best way to honour that gift. If you think there’s anything I’ve missed, I hope you’ll let me know in the comments—being a guest can be stressful, but being a good one means there’s a higher chance of being invited back. Happy travels!