Earlier this week, I wrote about how my wedding coming up has taken up a huge chunk of my variable-expense budgeting (ie, I’m now less able to travel as much as I’d like). And when I think about this too much, I do get a little blue.

The thing is—I actually haven’t had time to think about this too much. Between the bustle of work picking up to full force after the holiday lull, and planning a wedding full of ring-sizing appointments, dress alterations, catering tastings, and vendors meetings, I’m kind of wiped.

My husband-to-be says something I find frustrating: Rest is productive. We have vastly different ideas of what it is to be “busy”; he prefers a slower pace, fewer social dates in the diary with friends, and lots of cozy nights in. I love going out with friends, ticking things off my never-ending to-do list, and filling my bullet journal with nights out and weekends away.

I know I’m a bit more higher-strung than my partner (they say opposites attract!). But lately I’ve been wondering if he’s on to something.

I’m a naturally anxious person; I always want to be doing and seeing more. But that’s lead to some behaviours when I’m travelling that haven’t been healthy for me. I’m talking about:

-Walking 20,000+ steps a day and still being worried that I’m not seeing enough

-Staying out all night and getting up early the next morning, assuming that I’ll sleep better when I’m back in my normal routine at home

-Booking excursion after excursion without considering how much energy I’ll need or have left over

-Saying yes to things new traveller friends have suggested, without taking the time to consider if I’d really enjoy them

-Pushing through the heat thinking, it’s fine, I’ll just get some water until I collapse of sun stroke

…That last one is a pretty extreme example, but you see what I’m saying. In the past, I have been so obsessed with milking every moment when I’m away. And when you’re in your early 20s, working at a startup that’s paying you pennies and travelling alone, it makes sense that this anxiety would follow you around. A common thing I thought as I travelled was, I might never be here again, because it was true—I didn’t have a lot of money to travel, so I couldn’t afford to take the same trip twice. That thought made me want to maximize every moment I spent abroad.

But the more I reflect on that time in my life, the more I wonder how healthy that was (in the case of the heat stroke, it definitely wasn’t!). Travel might be challenging, but there’s part of it that’s always felt restorative to me, and I was denying myself that experience by rushing from place to place. When I was so busy trying to get to the next thing, it was hard to lean into the moments where I really want to be present. It’s like a dating app, where you get bored with all the pretty people because the next pretty person is only a swipe away.

My partner gets sleepy a lot, and one thing that almost always happens when we travel is that he needs to take a nap every single day. Some days, this looks like me saying goodbye to him for the afternoon while I explore; but usually I come back to the hotel or Airbnb with him. I rest; I reflect on the afternoon. I make notes in my bullet journal on what we did that day, and I remember my favourite parts by flipping through the photos. I think about where I want to eat dinner; what I’d like to do the next day. I look up information on evening events like jazz clubs or pub crawls. When he wakes up, he’s refreshed; and the moments of calm that I’ve had make me feel less frenzied.

If you’re thinking you’d like to feel less anxious about seeing everything while you travel—or if you’d like to slow down, to make sure you’re taking in the sights and not just speeding through them—here’s are some things I wish I’d considered:

Why do I want to go where I’m going? If you’re going to Paris to see the sights of the Seine and the Eiffel Tower, for example, prioritize that. But there’s a food tour! And wine tasting! And a tour of the catacombs! Of course; wherever you’re going to probably attracts travellers for many reasons. But figuring out what’s important to you will help you prioritize the most important things at the top of your list. Then when you get the nagging “not-doing-enough” feeling, you can tell yourself, I am doing exactly what I came here to do.

Remember, the reason you’re travelling might not be a physical thing like food or art. It could be a feeling: for example, I’m going to Peru to feel more connected with my family, or I’m going to the countryside because work has been stressful, and I’d like to have a rest with lots of walks.

What am I willing to give up to get what I want? The reality is, you probably won’t get to see every corner of the place you’re going. Imagine making a list of every attraction you might like where you’re going—every ice cream shop, every fashion destination, every museum and gallery. You’ll probably end up with several pages’ worth of items, never being able to tick off everything. So instead of trying to tick everything off, try drawing a line through everything you don’t want; things that only partially interest you, or anything social media says you must do when you’re not convinced. You might even consider tiering these items (“List one is for things I really want to do; list two is for things I could do if I have extra time”). But understand that if you want to walk away from a trip where you do things you loved, you’ll have to dedicate less time to things you’re only so-so on.

Find a mindfulness practice. This could be as easy as, when you feel like you’re getting anxious, counting backwards from 20 and breathing slowly. It could mean checking in with your body through wiggling your toes or tapping your temples; it could look like naming three things around you that are a certain colour or shape. But when you feel as though your mind is running away from you, bring it back to the present moment. Remember how this place made you feel in your body, and practice being fully present instead of constantly thinking of the next place you’d like to be.

Don’t overschedule yourself. I like to plan for one excursion a day, and then see where the day takes me. It might take me to another excursion, of course! Or it might take me on a wander to an ice cream shop…or home to put my feet up. Make rest a practice in how you plan your day so that you don’t burn out while on holiday.

Enjoy the wandering. Linger! One of the best tips I have for exploring a city is to walk. I’m a fast walker; long legs and an anxious spirit means friends have been asking me to slow my stride since I was a kid. But when you’re somewhere new, there’s so much to take in. Try slowing your pace, and really take in the sights of the place you’re walking through. Notice the architecture; how does it differ from what you’re used to? Is the air drier or more humid than you expected? What smells and sounds are you noticing? These are the little things I promise you’ll remember later on—when you’re back home at an international market thinking I recognize that fruit! or when a familiar smell hits you and takes you back to this trip. Being present also means you’ll be more open to things you haven’t planned: a bookshop without a name, a patisserie that Tiktok hasn’t discovered yet, a place to find bespoke leather journals. You can find some real gems when you’re exploring; but the key is to make sure you’re lingering enough to notice the off-the-beaten-track gems.

Do you find resting helpful when you’re travelling? Am I alone in my get-everything-done-anxieties? (I hope not….) Let me know in the comments—and happy travels!