Tipping is one of those things that makes me nervous while travelling.

I understand that in different cultures, there are different practices. You’ve got to respect the customs of the place you are, despite what your personal preferences are.

But here’s the thing: that minute when you set down your card or cash, and the waiter takes the bill away…if I’m somewhere I’m not familiar with, that’s a high-anxiety moment for me. Have I tipped too much? Too little? Have I offended the server in the amount I’ve given? Do I look like a cheap patron? Can I return to this bar?

Granted, I am an anxious person. My usual move, if I speak the language well, is to communicate that I’m unsure if my tip was satisfactory, and to hopefully signal that I’m open to tipping more if that’s the accepted custom. But even trying to make that conversation light is sometimes awkward.

Then there’s also the worry of: I know I look like a tourist. What’s stopping them from naming an exorbitant price, and demanding that money? What could I do to object to a fee, when I’ve admitted I don’t know what I’m doing? How much is this local currency worth, again? Let me do some mental math, even through I’m terrible at it…

Then again, I’m here on vacation. What’s the harm in over-spending? I don’t want to negatively impact someone whose way of life is making mine better – especially if the quality of life here is something I’m infringing on through my tourism.

The problem is, when people (myself included!) are confronted with a response that’s not what we want to hre, the blame tends to shift to the person on who’s making us uncomfortable—the waiter, the hairdresser, whoever. A waiter telling me that I’m being unknowingly stingy is uncomfortable for both of us. It’s not their fault; they’re working within a system in which they are probably unable to effect change. Usually these are the people who are providing the service, instead of the people with the power to pay their employees properly.

So I tip—usually over-tip—to avoid the awkwardness. And I’m usually unsure if I’ve been insulting in a low amount, or scammed out of too much. It’s rare that I think I really nailed it.

I remember as a Canadian—who was used to tipping servers, taxi drivers, and hairdressers—that when I first came to the UK, many people tried to return the tip money to me in taxis and in salons. I was frustrated, because sometimes tipping is already a little awkward without having to have a conversation about it. But more often than not, tipping was a welcome surprise that came with a smile and a thank-you—instead of an assumed, accepted rule that you may be vilified for not knowing or understanding.

My favourite way Britain gets around tipping is this: most restaurants with table service have written on their menu somewhere, a discretionary charge of 12.5% will be added to your bill for the service provided. The bill comes with a 12.5% increase, calculated with tax. No guessing happens; you just pay an additional fee that you knew up-front would be the case. You can even ask for the fee to be removed from the bill, if you found the service terrible, or thought it was unreasonable. But it’s an option made easy for everyone, instead of assuming.

Truthfully, I don’t like tipping culture. I don’t like how in North America, it’s OK to pay servers under minimum wage and then turn around and pass the responsibility of a living wage on to the consumer. There’s no industry where customers pay for a service, and then they get to decide whether or not the workers get paid. And we see plenty of news stories where restaurants ban tipping in favour of paying more to their servers, and business booms.

But I doubt that my opinion is going to change the tipping industry. If you’re nervous about tipping abroad, my top tips for research ahead of time include:

Research is key. Before I leave for somewhere, some questions I like to Google are:

What percent should I be tipping in [location]?

What services are you expected to tip for? For example, in the UK it’s not customary to tip bartenders per round of drinks, but in North America it’s pretty common in upscale bars.

What currency should I be tipping in? In most places, the local currency is preferred. But there are some exceptions; in Mexico, American dollars are preferred.

Cash over credit. Cash is a pretty safe way to tip (in a sketchy practice, some owners don’t pass on card tip payments). If you bring cash, ensure you have small amounts—it’s easier to leave a few coins or small notes on the table rather than asking someone to break a large bill.

Find a local. If you have a friend in the city you’re in, ask them what a reasonable amount is; if you’re at a hotel, the concierge will know the local customs and know what’s a reasonable tip (versus a scam for tourists).

How do you feel about tipping while travelling? Let me know below—and as always, happy travels!